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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?